Author: Alexey Krivitsky
Start collecting lists of all issues risen on retrospectives. Until you have them all.
Yes, simply retrospective after retrospective keep adding outstanding problems to an ever-growing list of documented and known issues.
Until one day someones says: "Hey. Why to have this meeting? We already have all the issues listed, huh?"
Always keep action items in Excel sheets on you local hard drive.
Yes, seriously. Being a ScrumMaster you should make sure the action plan is not lost in between the meetings. So keep it secure. Microsoft Excel is probably the best choice. No one would find it and mess it up.
Keep doing that until one day someones says: "Hey. Why to have this meeting? We never do what we agree to do, huh?"
Never remind or check for progress on planned action items.
Yes, plan your retrospective agendas new and fresh every time. Play with post-its, balls, balloons, words. Make it easy-going and fun. And never bring the last retro's action plan. It will create a sour feeling and awkward pauses. It will break the spirit.
Keep doing that until one day someones says: "Hey. Why to have this meeting? We never do what we agree, huh?"
Volunteer and assign yourself planned action items.
Leading by example and servant leadership are here to stay. So volunteer for all action items. If you can't make them, who can? You're the process leader in the end, that's how you lead: pray what you preach.
In the end, you will never find the needed capacity to do all that is planned on you. Because this is not the only meeting where you show how to volunteer.
So keep doing that until one day someones says: "Hey. Why to have this meeting? We never do what we agree - even our ScrumMaster, huh?"
Let participants complain, justify and lay blame.
Retrospectives are to release the steam. So make that happen. For every issue addressed help to find someone or something to blame it on.
And if all the options are already taken - help to justify. There are always a set of good arguments to be found why something had or hadn't happen.
Until one day ...
Now seriously - do quite the opposite!
And see if the retrospective cheat sheet and the accompanying book can help you make your retrospectives affective and efficient.